You’ve probably witnessed this before. When a couple is seen fighting, people are often heard saying “mambo ya watu wawili usiingililie katikati.” True to that statement, these couples often kiss and smile the next day, as if the ‘rumble in the sitting room’ never happened. What? Did someone send a memo titled ‘It’s Okay To Hit Women’ and I missed it? Maybe it was sent as an email that was immediately marked as spam, because I never saw it.
I cannot help but wonder why we have normalized domestic violence. They say It’s men who do the beatings and it’s women who do the provoking and the forgiving. Really? I am still of the firm belief that a real man should never hit a woman. I understand that there are a few women out there who can push your buttons to the extreme even when you are trying to be reasonable, hence you snap and throw the punch. As a man, you have no business being with such a woman. I once dumped a girl because she kept provoking me, breaking things and daring me to touch her. I never touched her. I just dumped her like she was an empty Coca Cola can. She tried leaving some of her clothes behind so that she’d keep coming back to cause more drama but I handed them over to a watchman to go give his wife. I am intolerant to nonsense. Eventually, she gave up on me.
My father once told me, “You should never put your hands on a woman. If you are dating a woman that makes you feel angry enough to hit her, than she isn’t the woman for you.” Basically he meant, it’s up to you to be a man and never blow your cool. He also meant you should be a good judge of character and never entertain a woman that would insist on picking fights instead of trying to find a truce through dialogue.
So yes, there are provocative women and there are ways to deal with these provocative women without trying to be Vladmir Klitchko. Diffusing a situation doesn’t always have to involve violence. But let’s get to the other end of the table. The reality is that, most women who get beaten don’t necessarily provoke men, They are usually in the process of genuinely airing out their grievances then the man (because he’s clueless on how to solve the issue or he’s in the wrong) resorts to beatings.
Men who beat women are the same kind of men who cannot argue without using insults. You see them everyday. They might try to debate about a topic honourably for a few minutes but when they run out of facts, they start using insults. They are also the same kind of men who have to resort to violence with fellow men when they are provoked. As soon as they hear something they don’t like, you’l see them standing up, burning with anger, shouting “ati umesema nini?” before unleashing blows and kicks. Such men cannot resolve and issue using words, aided by their minds. They just have to go physical.
I hate violence. I believe that as a man, you have no justifiable reason to beat a woman. Physically abusing a lady is a horrible idea for a number of reasons. There are serious legal consequences. Being known as a woman beater isn’t exactly a badge of honor. It’s a great way to ruin your once perfect reputation. Its frowned upon and extremely taboo. There is no benefit to abusing women, only cost.
When you beat a woman, you are reacting with emotions instead of reacting with logic. Smart men never react with emotions A real man uses logic. When tossed into a heated argument, a real man realizes that men and women are not on equal footing when it comes to physical combat. Men have a responsibility to keep their biological advantage in check. They have the advantage of being stronger and larger and potentially doing more damage. Men also have a responsibility to recognize when they are in danger of hitting a woman and to gain control of their composure in the situation.
I remember how my little nephew once came home from school and told me about a girl who grabbed a box of crayons he was using and stuck out a tongue to taunt him while pushing his head with her finger. Before I could even ask what he did in return, he told me he didn’t hit her because she’s a girl. He walked away and got another box. Such a little kid recognizes the value of remaining calm even when provoked. He’s been tested, but he’s walked away. He’s had a girl disturb his peace, but he didn’t dare raise his hand to defend himself. My nephew is 8 and from the looks of it, the common sense that so many adults lack, he has an abundance of it.
If such as mall boy knows better than to lay his hands on a girl, so should you as a grown man
It doesn’t matter if she took a swing at you, tried to kick you in the nuts, and called you a bad name: You. Don’t. Fucking. Hit. A. Woman.
That is also a default response. The second half of that default response is walking away.
And if you think walking away from a confrontation with a woman make you look like a “pussy,” there is nothing more “pussy” than striking her.
You don’t hit women even if they are being unreasonable.
You just don’t. Never. Ever. Full stop.
Here endeth the lesson.
