I am one of the best people to be friends with because I can teach you how to be really good with women. I am also one of the worst people to be friends with because I might end up banging your sister.
That’s exactly how fate played out between me and my buddy Mose. I taught him how to get chicks (he used to tremble when talking to a girl), then sadly, I banged his sister. It happened several weeks ago. I just forgot to tell you guys about it because….you know….the sheriff be up and down sometimes.
Trust me, I wasn’t gonna smash her. The girl initiated it.
I had gone to visit Mose at his keja when his siz who lives with him started showing interest. The girl was really determined. She had the perfect timing too. The moment Mose stepped out of the house to go buy milk from the shop, his sister started acted funny. She was wearing one of those short flower skirts and her thighs were all over the place. Fine thighs drive me crazy.
She kept rubbing her legs together while smiling at me to get a reaction. She glared at me through the corner of her eyes – seductive eyes. I stared back into her eyes, analyzed her body top-to-bottom, then bottom-to-top and looked back at her, stating bluntly
“Nice play, kid,” I cracked, jokingly.
“I’m not a kid,” she snapped. Her tone suggested that she wasn’t kidding.
“How old are you?” I inquired.
“I just turned 19 two weeks ago. Kwanza wewe kama beshte ya bro yangu inafaa unipee present.” She smiled again .
For a 19-year-old girl, she was an expert seductress. We had hardly exchanged five sentences when she asked me to give her my number – straight up. No playing games. I gave it to her and risked altering a perfectly cemented friendship with her bro.
I have no idea what she saw in me. May the likes of Betty Kyallo and Anita Nderu see the same thing in me too.
Her name is Paula. She finished high school last year and is now a first year student in one of the local unis. The girl is not only hot but also bright. She got an A-minus in KCSE, a Matiangi A-minus, yet she attended a small school in Ukambani.
Her aggressiveness caught me off guard. After I gave her my number, she called me like 50 times in a single week but I would just hem and haw. I was still not ready to tread such discomforting territory and trigger a ruckus between me and Mose. Trust me, I was trying hard to avoid Paula but then she started sending nudes. She sent me like 30 nudes in total in a span of about three days. I didn’t ask for them. She just dispatched them my way, one after another. Man….those pointed tits, those fleshy hips, those cute toes. I just couldn’t say no.
There’s an interesting quirk of the human psyche known as the exposure effect. The more times we’re exposed to something, the more familiar it becomes and the more we like it. This is why marketers hypersaturate the airwaves with specific commercials and why that annoying song you hear on the radio all the time starts to become a guilty pleasure that you end up loving. Those numerous nudes drove my horniness to an all time high and that’s when I seriously considered banging her. I would be busy working and writing articles…..nude pic comes through, watching TV….nude pic comes through, taking a dump in the toilet…..nude pic comes through. The temptation was more potent than that of Potiphar’s wife.
I am no biblical Joseph……so I gave in and invited her to my house for us to engage in coital arts.
She came over without a bra, despite having big boobs. I smashed her ruthlessly…….from morning to evening……until her kiuno began aching . It was on a Sunday. While other people were on their knees praying in church, she was on her knees, sucking the life out of my cock
Paula was a freak in bed. After leaving her pussy sore, she still wanted me to fuck her in the ass too. I couldn’t do it. I just don’t like it. I’d rather be tied down in a bed of thorns and burned with lit cigarettes while listening to a whackass Taylor Swift album than fuck a girl in the butt. All that forcing it in is not for me.
Now maybe this sounds fucked up, having a thing with your pal’s sister, but Mose was cool with it. I don’t know what drove me to tell him but I was upfront with him and he said he was cool with it. I was shocked. Perhaps, he simply knew too much about me and my predilections to not feel at least a little uneasy at the thought of me banging his sister.
Mose is always philosophical so he went on to explain to me how he believes that people don’t get veto power over other people’s relationships. He clarified that his sister is her own person with her own interests and desires. Thinking that his feelings outrank hers was a shitty thing to do anyway. He didn’t get to control her dating life so he was fine with me banging her. Man…I was glad. ,
You know what’ the best yet most evil thing about fucking your friend’s siz is? It’s the best possible card to pull if you’re ever in an argument.
I don’t care what you’re arguing about; “I fucked your sister” brings the house down. There’s no coming back from that. It’s Tyson’s right hook. It’s a Beckham free kick. It’s Steph Curry raining down threes. It’s unstoppable.
I constantly keep a flashcard written “I banged your sister” in the corner of my mind and take it out whenever Mose and I have a minor disagreement.
Me being me, I’ll bring it up even when it’s not relevant. We’ll be talking politics, I’ll propose “I think Boniface Mwangi should run for president in 2022” and he’ll cut me off like “No, that’s a dream. It should be Ruto and Kalonzo because Kenyans only vote for experienced guys.” And I’ll counter like “that’s a good point…. BUT ….my dick was in your sister.”
Or he’ll say something like “Chelsea hamwezi shinda league this season. League itakua ya Man City ama Man U” and I’ll respond with “Sikatai…lakini siz yako jo.”
But lately I am perpetually petrified. Mose wants to even the score. He wants retribution. He’s obsessed with trying to fuck my sister too. He has vowed to do it – just a friendly vow. We don’t have beef. And you know I have no right to get mad because of what I did. I taught him a lot of seduction skills. He knows too much and I am afraid he might actually pull it off.
I am thinking of advising my sister to resist- NASA style but I don’t know if she’ll follow my directive. Mose is a really good-looking guy. The threat is real.
Pray for me.
