For a while I didn’t understand the allure of banging a hooker. Even during my driest spells I never entertained the option of paying a whore for a nut-relieving bang. I was never so lazy that handing over a few notes to a skank seemed like an acceptable substitute to going out and grinding my way through the field until I found a lady who wouldn’t request cash up front. Also, I’m a romantic at heart. I need to know the woman wants to be there.
But then some time last year, one of my friends set me up with a prostitute as an April Fools prank and i realized that this is something you can do just for purposes of adventure. Probably once in a very very long time. I personally have decided that i will bang one prostitute after every two years. Why? Because i am the Greek god of self control. Hahaa
So if you ever decide to do it, here are the rules
Bang loud: When the banging is happening with that Njeri or Akinyi from Riveroad, it must be loud. While you are banging your malaya, scream loud and make funny noises, just for the fun of it. Groan like a lion that is being shot by KWS rangers. This will ensure that the banging is never forgotten. In 100 years time, you can stare down at your penis and tell it “Remember the time we banged that malaya?” and you penis will say to you, “Yes, it was loud when it happened.”
Do it for the right reasons: Remember, If you pay for sex or sexual enticement because you can’t get any loving from women free of charge, you are a loser. If you do it because you are sexually frustrated; mostly as a result of selfish women who (based on their looks and personality) have their standards set unrealistically high, denying mid-tier men like you sex and relationships while they become debased genetic toilets for higher tier men, you are a loser bro. A big one.
But If you pay for sex or sexual enticement, once in a long time, even though you don’t have to, and because it’s a fun thing to do, you are crazy but normal.
Ask for ‘lungula saucer’ in case you aren’t satisfied: Just the way you ask for ‘ugali saucer’ in a hotel if you haven’t had your fill. Lungula saucer is an additional quick round that you have just to make sure you leave the room when you are completely satisfied. It should cost you about a quarter of the original figure. But if you talk to her nicely, she’ll give it to you free. Just don’t push it.
Spray it everywhere: If you want her to remember you as the best fucking fucker who ever fucked her, you damn well better whip out your tool from her punani before you ‘come’ then whip out the condom and spray it all over her. It’s called the money shot. Your goal in this exercise will be not only to cover your female partner in copious amounts of your semen, but to do so in a manner that completely ruins the otherwise awesome experience you’ve given her thus far. If at all possible, you should try to get some in her eyes, hair, mouth, and nose; get it everywhere.
Okay i am done here.
