Dear Chips Funga,
I’m Philip by the way. I know I never even got to tell you my name, I don’t know yours either. Who would bother about names when all we wanted was to get to my house quickly from that house party and bang. It was a great night but since all great things come to not-so-great conclusions, this is where I say adios bichachos.
I got your missed call a few minutes ago. You were probably calling to ask if I’m okay. And why I never bothered to ask you if you reached home safe. Okay, allow me to explain myself.
It was nice of you to give me your number. But who are we kidding? We’ve already obliterated every “rule” of courtship and we both know we’re not going to end up in a healthy, functional relationship. Let’s just call it what it is. Better, spare you the agony of wondering if you’ll hear from me. I will never call you again. That’s just what it is.
You smoke shisha, you do weed, you down ten bottles of liquor in one sitting like a 17th century pirate. Yu also don’t flush the toilet after using it. Not to forget that you also farted in front of me, on our first night together. Who does that? Well….you.
No offense, your vagina is great. It is the Pope of Vaginas. It is like the perfect handshake – its grip is really strong and solid. Its scent leans more towards vanilla sugar cookies or hot waffles drowning in butter syrup. Its kegel muscles are so strong they could strangle a horse. The quality of its viscosity and the texture of its natural lubrication is perfect. It also doesn’t have giant elephant-ear labia with a thumb-sized clit like the one Shiko has. Don’t ask me who Shiko is. In short I just want you to let you know that I appreciated your vagina. Trust me , some people claim that ‘K’ is constant but not all vaginas are created equal, You are lucky to have one that’s among the elite.
We made weird noises together while sweaty and naked. I kept spanking you hard and telling you how big your butt was. You shouted how you love me. But then things got weird. You sucked my ‘D’ like you were eating sausage. I feared you would bite it off and leave me dickless. Imagine me being dickless, What would happen to Etemesi’s Tales? And then you started biting me everywhere in the name of BDSM. You were not even done yet. You got on top of me and rode me while choking me like the undertaker. For a moment, I thought I was in a Wrestlemania ring. That was war not sex. I don’t think I can sign up for another episode.
Of course we can greet each other amicably if we ever meet in a public place. But other than that, there’s no need. Either way, thanks for a good time. I will remember your naked ass fondly. Talk to you never.
Sincerely,
Etemesi
KE Gif Ge 300×250
