I (Philip Etemesi) am the most exciting writer in Kenya. Everyone is well aware of that. I entertain readers in ways no other writer before me has ever managed to do. Haters will argue all day but it’s the truth. There’s a reason they call me ‘The Sheriff.’ This is no braggadocio. This is fact.
But people still have many questions about me. Today, I will give answers to the most common questions I get asked on a regular. Here they are.
Q: “Are all the sex stories you write true?
Absolutely. I always write my tales from experience. I call it factual erotica. Before I write, I always seek permission from the girl I banged first. Of course I am great at persuading people so most of the girls never decline my request to write about them. The only condition that majority of them have is that I change their names when writing, because they don’t want to be known.
Some haters and ‘holier than thou’ people have said I write porn but serious people know that erotica is a form of literature and an art that only few an master. It has been done in the West for decades. It’s only in Africa that we are still conservative. We tend to judge people whose views are devoid of political correctness. But I have never been afraid of being judged. I am not a coward. I don’t hide my name. The heck I don’t even hide my number. I am glad to be the pioneer of this kind of writing in Sub–Saharan Africa. My loyal fans see the art. They see the talent. They see the amazing descriptions. They see the mastery of language. They appreciate me and I appreciate them too. The rest can go so smell a stinking shoe.
Q: “You give guys a lot of tips to get women. Do you think it’s good to teach guys to be team mafisi members?”
I teach guys how to be sexually empowered. This includes being confident and masculine, traits that women respond favourably to anyway. There is not a single known case of one of my supporters being involved in any crimes against women that has been linked to my writing. Plus, everyone is responsible for their own actions. The truth is, every guy in this world wants to be good with women. I just help out.
Q: “Do your parents read what you write?”
Yes, they read the cleaner articles that I write on the other numerous blogs that I offer my services to. They don’t read the sex stuff because I made it clear to them that they are not the target audience. You cannot understand something if you are not the target audience. You cannot understand Young Thug if you are 60 years old. So my parents appreciate that I am a diverse and talented individual who can write about business this minute then write the most intense sex scene the next minute. And I appreciate that.
Q: “You like trolling people sometimes and being controversial. Are you a real life troll or not?”
I was given a gift to be interesting and sensational. I can wrap subtle truths in packaging that gets massive attention. I don’t do it on purpose—it just comes out naturally in my personality and writing. It’s not something I can just turn off.
Q: “Are you a player? Do you sleep with so many women”
I am a seducer. I believe in seducing women and giving them a good time. Players only aim for phone numbers, sex and cumming. I aim to give women a good time and make them remember their experiences with me forever. There are thousands of guys out there who sleep with more women than I do. I only like having sex once a week. That’s why ‘Etemesi’s Tales’ only comes once a week. This way, I have enough time to work hard in other areas of life.
Q: “Do you ever date? Or do you just do one night/day stands”
I date once a while. So long as the woman in question is willing to embrace polygamy and allow me to do my thing. I don’t think it’s cool for a man to cheat. If you want to fuck around, either be single and do it without commitments or be officially polygamous.
Q: “What’s your ideal type of girl?”
A short girl with a pretty face. It doesn’t matter if she’s lightskin, darkskin, slim or momo. So longer as she’s short with a pretty face, she can get the Luhya manhood – deep and hard.
Q: “Do you ever get rejected?”
Yes, but mostly by girls who fear me. Once in a while, I meet girls who are like “You sleep with many girls. I can’t get in bed with you”. Then sometimes I meet girls who reject me without knowing who I am then later come back with a change of heart after discovering I am this popular writer
Q: “Are you a bad boy?”
No. I am actually a very very very humble guy. People who meet me for the first time usually get surprised. They expect a wild guy that’s all over the place but they find this calm and composed dude. I am not a bad boy. I am just extremely naughty. I was once a geek by the way. I still have elements of geekiness in me. I wasn’t born good with women. I just learned from the best.
Q: “Apart from writing,what else do you do?”
I hate this question because a lot of people think writing/blogging is a hobby. Well, blogging might be a hobby to some but when you are a creative writer like me and the pen is your sword, you have to put your heart into it. I write for several blogs and magazines and get paid for it. I also write for my own blog (this one right here) and get good advertising money. Writing makes me live a comfortable life. I have a big house for myself. I can buy the coolest clothes I want, eat great meals and travel wherever I want to. So yes, apart from writing, there is nothing else I do. I am a writer and writing is my life.
So now you know a little more about me.
