You must have seen the video already. A Nigerian woman was left with gallons of tears flowing from her eyes after she made a marriage proposal to her boyfriend at a busy mall and got turned down like an Eastlando guy asking a slay queen from Karen to come for a sleepover in his bedsitter.
The love-struck lady was seen kneeling with a ring in her hand as she gestured to the man to say the big “YES”. But the man who was visibly embarrassed, got close to her and helped her get up. One would have assumed that he was ready to accept the proposal but no……he just whispered to her and walked away, as fast as his feeble legs could carry him (like a primary school kid would say). The lady was left shocked, heartbroken and inconsolable.
I thought of all the phrases I could use to describe this woman and only one came to mind – dumb. As a lady, why would you propose to a man? No matter how desperate you are for marriage and no matter how much you are obsessed with a guy, proposing is a silly thing to do. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. It’s just silly.
Look at these ones too………May God help them.
Tables have turned ? pic.twitter.com/L6BNoYGExt
— Soldier↪ (@PatohShanqueels) January 16, 2018
Ladies, It just isn’t worth it for you to take matters into your own hands. The arguments against popping the question are endless and valid; you come off as cheap and desperate , you lose your worth as a woman and you pave way for a future statement that goes like this “I didn’t want this in the first place, you did.”
There’s an old African Adage which says, “the bone doesn’t go in search for a dog but the dog rather goes in search for a bone.” Fact. Men do the proposing, not women.
So what really goes on in the minds of women who propose?
First, we could assume that they are mental cases because who in their right mind would do that? Second, they might have been confused by good sex and third, they are simply desperate. That’s correct. Desperation can push people to lows that they didn’t think they would sink to. Women who propose tend to have become so obsessed with validating their relationships with a marriage, or simply achieving their dreams of grand weddings which overflow with pilau and cake that they have lost sight of what is really important; being with someone who truly wants to spend his life with you in this union of marriage.
The thing with us men is that we are never okay with being forced to do anything. We might do it yes, but later on, we will always find a way of punishing the person who forced us to do it.
When you propose to a man, not only are you disrupting the sacrosanct power that men have held throughout history but you are also running the risk of not being happy because you will always wonder if he is happy or was he ever going ask you to marry him. You might force a man into marriage but you will never force him to commit. You can throw a frog in water but you cannot force it to swim. By shoving an engagement ring onto a man’s finger kwa lazima, you find yourself unhappy and unfulfilled when the smoke clears. You will cause resentment or frustration in him because you put him in a position to “give in” with a situation he wasn’t ready for.
If a man wants to truly wife you, he will make the move and pop the question, no one has to force him, trick him or anything else. Or better yet, he will make you pregnant, which I think is a better way of proposing than risking it at a public place. Instead of kneeling with a ring on your finger, kneel in bed and put a baby in her womb courtesy of doggy style.
Men are born hunters and would like to pursue their prey in their own way. Most of us do not need help from the women to do what we know we are supposed to do.
If a man hasn’t popped the question after a long time, then either he truly is not ready, he just sees you as a walking vagina or you are “the other woman.” Simple. If you want to be a wife and the man you are with doesn’t fancy you sleeping next to him every night, it is better to walk away and prepare yourself for the man who will want to marry you, then for you to force things.
Most of you ladies can see that the man you are dating doesn’t see you as “the one’ but you choose to ignore that fact for reasons best known to yourselves.
When you propose to a man, it comes off even worse than an ultimatum. Basically your “will you marry me?” question is decrypted in his mind as,”Dude. you’ve taken so long. We are doing this right now okay? Don;t argue with me.”
See how bad it is?
Giving women the right to pop the question might seem an empowering moment but it’s not. It’s not just how things work. As a woman, do not settle for asking him, dragging him, pestering him or begging him to marry you. It is not going to work out. There is an equilibrium, let the man be the man and make his own decision, your response is your decision.
Instead of worrying themselves, women should instead be patient and wait for a man who is crazy for them (or seems to be), who pursues them, who never leaves them guessing where they stand, and who will take charge.
