5 Reasons Why Luhya Men Are Good In Bed

All of us men from Western Kenya are bulldozers in bed. Today you can hear it right from the Luhya man’s mouth. Any Kenyan girl worth her salt has fantasized about being romanced by a ruggedly handsome and mysterious ‘Pratha’ from ‘Kakameka’ or ‘Pungoma.”. I always see women getting excited whenever I tell them I am a Luhya. It’s because they know good things are coming.  But what is all the hype about men from my tribe about? Let me break it down to you

Huge penises

When I was in high school, we used to have open showers. Our bathroom was one big hall with poorly built compartments. There were no doors. So when you were showering, you could see at least three of the guys opposite you naked.  Since it was a provincial school in Western Kenya, most of the students enrolled were Luhya. And I must say that some of the penises I saw terrified me. They were swinging like pendulums or church bells at the Vatican. Jesus!!!! How did these guys manage to walk with such huge tools? Now most chicks I have slept with tell me I am extremely well endowed so I am wondering what the chicks of those former school mates of mine say.

95% of Luhya men have big dicks and women always appreciate extra inches. They want to feel like their vaginas are being torn apart. A big penis also gives a man plenty of confidence. You can be sure a girl will be satisfied. You also don’t have to work too hard to stimulate her clit and vaginal walls. Occasionally though, you will meet girls who can’t handle your size. I once met a chick who  asked for time out after the first thrust. She said, “Woiiii…..Ebu toa kwanza nijitayarishe vizuri.


Ladies, if you want to know if a guy will perform in bed, cook for him ugali. Before you begin, ask him “Niweke maji vikombe ngapi?” if he says one cup and below, that’s a loser. If he says he doesn’t want ugali all together, that’s even worse. We Luhya men are great in bed because we eat a lot. Eating is a hobby for us. Like a layman will tell you, we eat until we are tired not until we are satisfied.

Energy is key when it comes to bedroom performance. The more energy-rich foods a guy eats, the more likely he is to plough the vagina until smoke appears.

Luhya men like giving instructions

Luhya men like to issue orders and this manifests itself in the bedroom as well. My father gives a million instructions a day but that’s not the point. The point is that seduction is, first and foremost, about emotion. Your words are just a silky thin facade to cloak the subtext of sexual anticipation. When a woman  hears you say “Pinduka” or “Inua mguu” ,she doesn’t say to herself “Why? Is he doing something fishy?” instead, she *feels* to herself “Wow, that’s kind of hot. I’m getting wet.

Women want to be led by men. They particularly love when men tell them what to do sexually. It hits all the female buttons that crave submission to a dominant man. Ordering a girl to change positions — note, I said *ordering*, not politely asking — is one of the hottest things you can do for a woman in bed. Have you ever noticed how a woman’s vocalizations will change and grow louder when you tell her to turn over and raise her ass to meet you?

There is a reason why women like photographers, filmmakers and other similar artists — women can’t get enough of being directed to do certain actions by men, particularly when those actions have a sexual flavor. “Turn around”, “Move this way,”Come closer

Luhya men have an obsession for doing physical tasks (this builds stamina)

I don’t know a Luhya man who doesn’t like doing manual jobs. These give a man the strength and the flexibility to get into the most complex sex positions without losing breath.  I’m convinced that working outside, surrounded by trees and birds and babbling brooks and sunshine while burning a kajillion calories an hour, has a magical effect on a man’s libido. Doing manual jobs also makes you good with your hands. You know exactly what to touch and when to touch it.

Luhya have a lot of sex hence they learn what works (Practice makes perfect)

For some reason or the other, Luhya men love sex. They always have the need to do a lot of shagging. (I won’t exclude myself). This gives them a lot of practice and experience.  After a while, they become perfect. Men who have more sex tend to do it better than men who only visit Miss Vagina occasionally.

Through experience, we Luhya men get to know the right buttons to push. We don’t just wiggle our fingers around a girl’s pussy like we’re trying to tickle her. We do not drum our fingertips against a girl’s vulva like we are impatiently waiting at a chemist for a receipt. We do not push the clit like it is a doorbell at some house that we need to get inside of.

Through experience, we have learned that most women like to be shagged, and shagged hard. We understand that there are women out there who want to “make love” every time – sweet, gentle, rocking love with lots of eye contact and loving kisses but those women are not the majority. The majority like to be pounded. The majority like a good, solid jackhammering. They don’t want a man who swirls his penis around their vaginas like he’s mixing a cake batter up there. They want men who will hold down their arms, or grab their hips, or push their legs above their head, and bang like the punani is going to expire tomorrow.

About Philip Etemesi

I am the Sheriff in this town. Writing is my joie de vivre. I'm a Superman, thanks to God. Need to reach out to me? Send an email via I always respond.
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Tukatiane is a 'Relationships and Sex' website run by award winning Kenyan writer Philip Etemesi. His goal is to help everyone have excellent relationships as well as healthy sex lives. Other goals are to provide entertainment to readers through witty and edgy stories.
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