Tabia Za Slay Queens

The phenomenon of the “slay queen” has been much discussed in social media circles. A slay queen is basically a diva, mostly from urban locations, that has reason to believe she is every man’s eye candy and the envy of every other woman. She believes that women of her kind are superior and should thus be treated as such. However, slay queens are more annoying than interesting. Here are the common characteristics they posses.

1. Blue ticks

Slay queens can ignore your texts until you cry. It’s like your text is a Safaricom message or that “nitumie hizo pesa kwa hii number” message from a Kamiti inmate. You just keep seeing the slay queen of your dreams online most of the time, but she doesn’t respond, because she has “options.” – lots of options. Fail to respond to her texts however and it becomes the Battle Of Waterloo. Slay queens have extreme double standards, not just in texting but in general life too. A slay queen can’t stand waiting for a guy for 10 minutes for example. On the other hand, she doesn’t see a big deal in being two hours late for a date.

2. Taking pictures with their legs curved

Look at the pictures of most slay queens and you might think they are suffering from Rickets – the condition that causes bowed legs in some children. Slay queens are obsessed with pictures and when she makes you her photographer, you’ll have to keep repeating the shots until your fingers hurt and she is sure she has the perfect pic. Note that If you like to keep your life private, don’t date a slay queen. Nothing makes her happier than couple photos, most of which are just meant to make her ex mad. You will be exploited for photos with numerous hashtags such as #goofingwithbae, #mymanbetterthanyours #drivingwithbae etc

3. Life of the party

A slay queen believes that being an obnoxious. shisha-loving party girl is all part of the good life. Despite the fact that she’s puked in all the washrooms of all Kenyan clubs, a slay queen will pretend to be too cool for local music. Ask her if she’s heard Timmy Tdat’s latest song and she’ll be like “Ati Timmy Tdat? Who’s that? I don’t do local music. I love The Weeknd.

4. Accent

Slay queens tweng harder than Dr.Kaluyu. All their speeches are littered with phrases such as “Wharreva”, “So cute”, “Do I look fat?”,”I’m done with..” and “Oh my gosh” depending on the mood. Despite the slay queen’s penchant for accents, she has very poor grammar.  A slay queen doesn’t know the difference between your and you’re, I’m and Am, as well as many other English connotations. She never will. And she will be offended if you point that out.

5.Outrageous preferences for men

Slay queens have crazy standards when it comes to the kind of men they want, even when they don’t deserve such men at all. They believe that only the best of the best will suffice for their romantic life. A slay queen will dish out statements like “Aki mi I can’t date a guy who doesn’t drive” or “I can only do sleepovers in Kile and Lavi, kama ni Eastlands I kent.”  Her worth is too large for just any bloke on the street, no matter how charming or educated. Money is number one for a slay queen, with looks a close second. A slay queen doesn’t care if her boyfriend is smart or a decent human being , so long as he looks cool and has some cash. And as long as he’s buying her Guarana at B-Club. And as long as she can talk to her girls about her boyfriend who buys her Guarana at B-Club, she’s happy


Other notable characteristics.

Oversharing on social media:  A slay queen likes to over share with everyone on social media. Examples include, “ugh, feeling gross today,” “depressed,” “That amazing feeling when you get home and take off your bra,” and “My puppy died… sad ? RIP Toto….you were so adorable.”

Dumbness: A slay queen will know what is the name of Jocelyn’s baby in Love and Hip Hop Atlanta or what was the color of Pendo’s dress on Nairobi Diaries three months ago but she has no idea where Syria is, or what’s going on in the country at any given time.


About Philip Etemesi

I am the Sheriff in this town. Writing is my joie de vivre. I'm a Superman, thanks to God. Need to reach out to me? Send an email via I always respond.
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