Sex Tips

The Gospel Of Missionary Sex

Missionary sex gets a bad rap from all these adventurous, know-it-all, twist me sideways yoga and acrobatic sexperts. They say missionary is for lazy people but hey, not everyone can shag while standing or perform the wheelbarrow. You also cannot lift some of these women off the bed without risking a back injury. Some of them are too heavy. There is nothing wrong with heavy by the way. Heavy means more flesh and flesh is nice to touch and look at. But still…..hit the gym ladies. It’s for your own good.

The ordinary guy has been wired to believe that missionary is an ordinary position hence he tries to pindua pindua a girl every two minutes in an attempt to impress her with a variety of sex positions.

Cut that bullshit.

You don’t have to change positions too often. This makes you a Jack of  all trades and master of none. The disadvantage of changing positions too often is that you might interrupt things just when you are hitting the right spot. A chick might be just about to orgasm, then you flip her over and start hitting it from an angle that she isn’t even enjoying. Why bring yourself back to square one? Stick to one position for at least 7 to 10 minutes before changing – depending on how long you take to cum.

Now, the missionary position is actually very enjoyable if you do it right. It is classic and reliable. It’s the meat loaf and mashed potatoes of the sex manual. If you’re hungry, it fills you up; If you’re tired, you can still manage a morsel. Five-star steak it ain’t, but like fried chicken, you know how it’s going to look, how it’s going to taste, and how long it will take to eat.

To make you enjoy the position even more, I have lined up some improvement tips for you;

1. Learn the coital alignment technique (CAT). 

The coital alignment technique is a slight modification of missionary that offers hands-free clitoral stimulation during lungula and gives this traditionally bland position a big boost of pleasure. Nearly all chicks require clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm (as opposed to penetration alone) so that’s your aim here.

Ladies only have a few nerve endings in their punanis, and usually they are located within the first three inches. All this is for a good reason. Imagine how much more child birth would hurt if the vagina was jam-packed with numerous nerve endings. So, for many women, penetration alone is simply not enough to make them release glory fluid. But, with positions designed specifically for clitoral stimulation, sex becomes an orgasmic treat for them rather than just going through the motions.

So how do you do you give her CAT-induced sensations? In normal missionary, you always find it convenient to support yourself on your hands, with your upper body raised and your pelvis facing forward. Then you just push forward and backwards. Try to avoid this for the time being.

To master the CAT, penetrate the chick as your normally  do and rest your body above her. Make sure you distribute your weight evenly and relax your muscles. Maintain as much body contact with her as is comfortable and possible. It’s intimate and sexy to have your bodies smooshed together in all that sexy, melty goodness.

After that, slide your body upwards toward her head so that base of your penis is rubbing against the front part of her vagina.

After achieving this angle, rock your body up and down in an almost vertical manner instead of the back and forth thrusting routine you’ve become accustomed to over the years. It is advisable for the lady to keep her lovely legs as straight and close as possible, or even wrap them around yours, to make sure her clitoris is stimulated with as pin-point precision as possible.

She shouldn’t panua her legs too much because her hips won’t be able to arch up well, and she’ll lose the additional sensation of your pelvis and penis pushing her vaginal lips onto your clitoris… the ultimate pleasure push. If you maintain steady movements, your penis will make more consistent contact with her clitoris, supercharging her voyage to the port of Orgasmia.

2. Use a pillow.

As it has been stated before, missionary’s greatest design flaw is the lack of clitoral stimulation that comes with straight-up spread-eagle sex. It’s hard for your dick to hit her in the right spots when your abdomen is squishing you and the pelvis is too far down to rub against.

Enter the pillow method. What you need to get in on that pelvic action is a lift. Take one or two pillows depending on her size and place them under her buttocks for some extra elevation. This will give you greater probability of hitting her G-spot since it gives her the ability to rub her clit against your pelvis. Boom. Orgasms galore.

If you have eaten lots of ugali and you are feeling strong, you can, avoid the pillow and lift her ass up with your hands so that her pussy-area is elevated but her legs and head are down. You will probably need to kneel to pull it off but if done correctly, it is magical.

3. Try the ‘IN-OUT’ technique.

This technique is best for when you and your girl are ready for some hot and heavy, animalistic, let’s-get-it-on sex. Maybe she’s been telling you how horny she is or you’ve been sexting each other, telling her “haga yako hunimaliza” and she telling you “niko horny aki beb.” Whatever gets her juices flowing, this tried and true ‘IN-OUT’ technique will be there to satisfy her lustful yearnings.

Assume your typical missionary position. After thrusting for a minute, pull out completely and then enter again with a hard, fast stroke. Put it on repeat for a while and tell me if it doesn’t blow her mind off. The teasing combined with the lusty thrusting will put a whole new badass spin on missionary.

4. Shallow thrusts.

This technique will be your go-to move whenever you want to tease her — especially if she is one of those chicks whose first inch or so of her vagina is the most sensitive.

Going deep doesn’t necessarily mean more pleasure so rather than sinking your dick like the Titanic into her Pussyfic Ocean, do quick, shallow, in-and-out strokes hapo tu juu juu without ever pulling out. Do it quickly, not slowly. You will be amazed at the results.

5. The indicator.

This is where you push your dick sideways while inside her cunt instead of right ahead. Aim your penis to the left or right, putting continuous pressure on the sides of her vagina. Explore each side for a while before deciding which area of her vagina is the most sensitive, then once you find that spot, continue riiight there. You’ll see for yourself what happens. Let me not give you spoilers.

If you adopt the above five techniques in your mission to make missionary better, you won’t even be needing too many positions.

Better a man who knows one position well than a man who knows twenty positions but cannot do any of them correctly.



About Philip Etemesi

I am the sheriff in this town. Writing is my joie de vivre. I am a superman thanks to God. Need to discuss a thing or two with me? Shoot me an email via
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