Dating And Seduction

It’s Not You, It’s Me

Getting dumped can leave you in a big rut: your ego takes a hit and negativity leaks all around you. And it’s even worse when the human who dumped you said, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

What does this statement even mean? These five common words, which strive for compassion, in reality just leave the person you were dating confused and puzzling over what went wrong, plus your sanity. No one buys this explanation. And why should they? After all, most perpetrators of this phrase will tell their friends that it was their partner who was completely to blame just as soon as that partner is out of earshot.

Actually, this kind of explanation for releasing someone’s ass back into the wild is the same as ending a relationship via text. It’s really immature.

But sometimes the problem is actually you. Sometimes it has nothing to do with the other person doing anything wrong. Maybe you know you are wasting that person’s time and it begins to eat away at your conscience. You know you are being selfish and you understand that you have to do the right thing and leave them. Prolonging the inevitable isn’t doing either of you any favors. But there’s not really a way to say “it’s not you, it’s me” without sounding like an idiot.

So whether it’s you or it’s them, how do you break up with someone in a smart way?

Personally I believe that when you feel it’s over, you just need to slide out.

Sliding out of someone’s life is usually the best way to leave them without breaking their heart. They’ll get the message and they’ll feel bad for a moment but they won’t actually get super hurt.  Just let it fade. Taking the easy way out has its virtues. No muss, no fuss.

Whenever I date a girl and she is turning into a different person and doesn’t want to change, hence giving me grounds to dump her, I kind of let the ending sneak up on her. I gradually see her less. Whenever she wants to do something I say “Wacha tutaona..” I don’t return calls promptly. I make a big production of not being chivalrous. Eventually, weeks go by where I haven’t seen her, or more than a day passes before I’ve returned a call, or she constantly gets blue ticked.  It’s at this point that she scratches her head and wonders “Wow, I think we’re broken up. Ni kama hajiskii na mimi tena.”  Then her pride will also kick in and then she’ll tell herself “sitambembeleza tena….wacha akae.” Just like that, the relationship will be over, just the way I wanted, without me actually dumping her.


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That’s my modus operandi. After all, when you don’t officially tell a woman you are breaking up with her, there’s always a chance of the two of you getting back together months or years later when you discover she has become much hotter and want a piece of her again. Yes, we all know that women somehow become hotter after you break up with them.  But when you straight out dump her, then try to get back with her, she will strongly reject you and even to prove to you how better off she is without you.

Also when you dump a woman straight up, her tears and sadness might convince you to change your mind. By telling her “sifeel hii relationship anymore“, you will be allowing yourself to get roped in by her empty apologies, promises of change, and self-interested tears.

They say the real reason a woman cries when she gets dumped isn’t because she was really in love.

A woman cries because she feels short-changed that she slept with you, but didn’t manage to accomplish the mission she set with her pussy. Maybe the mission was money, a good home, career or to have a loyal man that she can own for her whole life. Pussies are goal oriented. Women set quotas with their pussies and when they fail to meet those quotas even if it’s their own fault — they get upset about it.

Much like a casino—the pussy house always wins. Pussies aren’t supposed to operate at a loss and, to be honest, they very rarely do. But when it does happen, women will start crying a river in the hopes that they can rope you back in so they can get what they deem is fair compensation for allowing you to fuck them.

You’re leaving, her life is about to change, and she doesn’t know how things are going to pan out—her future is heading down the path of the unknown. A women cares about her security first and foremost, and now that her security is about to walk out the front door, she’s going to pull out all the stops in an attempt to re-capture you and put you back in your cage..

In that case, when you decide it’s dump time, it’s just best to go quiet to avoid being lured to change your mind Eve-style, and slip back into troubles. Never allow yourself to get roped in by empty apologies, promises of change, and self-interested tears. If you’ve been constantly disrespected, then you should slide out.

It’s a better move than saying “It’s not you, it’s me.”

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About Philip Etemesi

I am the sheriff in this town. Writing is my joie de vivre. I am a superman thanks to God. Need to discuss a thing or two with me? Shoot me an email via
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