Sex Tips

A Blow Job Tip For Lazy Chicks

Here’s the thing about having your dilidong in a girl’s mouth: it is awesome. Even when blow jobs aren’t served to perfection, they are still pretty awesome. I mean, a bad blowjob is better than no blowjob at all.

Even on occasions where you didn’t enjoy it, you’ll still be glad you got your dick sucked.

There are few things in this world I am truly passionate about: Movies, seducing chicks, reading big books and sweet, sweet blow jobs. Maaan, I love everything about a well-executed Lewinsky. The way a chick gets on her knees. The way she looks up at you as if she’s seeking recognition of your approval. The sounds she makes when she deep-throats you.

I know you fellow guys consider blowjobs a mandatory part of your sexual repertoire too. BJs are something we hold dearest to our fruitful loins

Good head is an art form. One thing that will be permanently etched into a guy’s memory is a quality blowski. I can confess to having forgotten the names of all the ladies who ever denied me a suck and left my dipstick as void of saliva as a pastoralist moving from river to river. The same cannot be said of girls who went on their knees and bobbed their heads up and down. I not only remember their full ID names but the names of their friends, great grandparents and aunties as well.

We all value BJs even though we tend to get awful ones at times. But what if you could always get a top notch blow job any time you want? Like the ones in the series Sin City Diaries? As good as penetrative sex is, the sex all pretty much blends together, because when you are a man who constantly gets laid, even good sex is still just sex, but with BJs, there’s real power. All men distinctly remember the ladies who gave them the best mouth hugs they had ever received.

The difference between a good blowjob and a bad blowjob is simply a lazy chick and a dedicated chick. Lazy chicks generally prefer to just lie down and receive strokes. If you ask a lazy chicks to give you a blowjob, it’ll most certainly be a bad one.

Dedicated chicks on the other hand tend to go all the way. They suck and suck that D even when their necks are hurting then take painkillers later. They don’t stop until the volcanic eruption is complete.

The “ew, penises are yucky” crowd don’t like partaking in one of nature’s most beautiful, selfless acts of intimacy because they don’t like performing challenging tasks. Do a background check on their lives and you will find that they are the chicks who copied their way to Upper Second Class Honors in campus and got a job they were not qualified for because the boss felt they had a nice ass.

Back to blowjobs

This troubling trend of chicks who don’t go down is permeating its way through the bowels of our great society like a warm, humid, lingering madondo fart. Some say these ladies consider themselves too good to polish a guy’s bowling trophy, yet they still expect men to tongue punch their lunch box. However, it’s not that they don’t fancy the idea of kneeling down. They’d love to do it but when they think of the work involved, their laziness says no.  They tell themselves “hiyo kazi yote? Wacha tu ikae.”

Many guys take longer to cum through blowjobs than through normal sex so I figured the best way to make lazy chicks love blowjobs is to give them tips on how to make men cum quicker. Kazi ya haraka haraka sindio?

After all, there is no crime in cumming quickly during oral sex. It’s only a crime during penetrative sex.

Lazy girls, this should be your new playbook. You should be studying this thing hard with the same keenness that you apply makeup.

And guys, if you meet a lazy chick, teach her these ways. Or at least instruct her. I have been able to do so with many girls. Lately, I haven’t been afraid to be open about what I want and it always works. I tell women that I sleep with how to please me better with killer blowjobs. I am sure that through the skills I taught them,most of these women have gone on to have amazing relationships and successful flings. Maybe some even got a promotion!

You should be able able to ask (demand) that a woman goes down on you. That sort of thing is what relationship gurus would probably call “effective communication” or some shit.

To the lazy chicks,

Dear couch potato, sucking by itself isn’t an effective technique. it doesn’t make a man cum quickly, Most of you just grab the guy’s shaft and suck off pointlessly hoping for an orgasm that never seems to come.

Or maybe you have a BFF that has had more partners than you did. You ask her for advice. And then you hear something like “Twist your tongue counter clockwise 4 times, then 3 times clockwise in an angle of 45 degrees.” WTF?!’ So, you’ve tried this many times but it hasn’t worked

What you need to do bring is bring in your hands and use them a lot. Combine a blow job and a handjob. Call it ‘mixed martial arts.’ Suck for one minute and stroke (without sucking) for thirty seconds. Don’t do them both at the same time. Don’t stroke the stem or while sucking the head. Do them separately

Repeat this procedure again and again and you’ll be shocked at how quickly a man cums.

The key to sucking cock is in the focus. You must be fixated for the entire duration of your down time. Don’t let your mind wander, Remember the concentration you use to kill an ice cream cone without getting any on your blouse? Apply the same.

By the way, why are they called “blowjobs” when there’s really no blowing? Perhaps it’s because “suckjobs” sounds pretty terrible. Whatever the reason, use your lips and tongue to suck on your partner’s penis (not your teeth). Avoid intense sucking like you do when you’re trying to get that last drop of milkshake out of a straw when you are that favorite mall of yours with your girls. Instead suck sensually, slowly, and rhythmically, like you’re savoring a round piece of hard candy in your mouth, trying to make it last as long as possible

Double the action, triple the excitement. Breathe heavily and make it appear as if you are having an orgasm yourself. Let your saliva dribble all over your hands and over him

Be enthusiastic too. Your attitude is one of the most important ingredients in every blow job. A boring or disgusted face while giving him head will not only kill the mood, but also will make very difficult for him to get excited and have an orgasm. Just imagine… How bad would you feel if he were bored or disgusted while going down on you?

Show your man that you enjoy what you’re doing. Show him that you love to give him that kind of pleasure! Make eye contact from time to time.

While stroking, don’t concentrate on the stem. Some ladies think the whole penis is sensitive. No! Only the head is sensitive. It’s the only area with millions of nerve endings hence the most sensations happen there. Run your fingers from the top of the head going downwards. Grab the head tightly but not too tight. While sucking, make sure your lips and tongue keep brushing the head too, not just the stem. He will cum in no time and then you can go back to scrolling pictures on IG. Everyone ends up happy. You wont have done a lot of work and he’ll have received a quality BJ.

There you have it.  I am no scientist or Ph.D holder in sexology. I was NOT featured on Oprah or FOX News. I just know this stuff.

Now get to work, girls.

Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

To Top