Society

What A Kenyan Girl’s Taste In Music Says About Her

The type of music a Kenyan girl listens to says a lot about her.

Reggae.

She’s edgy, rebellious and smokes more weed than Sizzla, Snoop, Turbulence and Wiz Khalifa combined. You might even get high just by sitting next to her – high by diffusion. Or is it osmosis? I forgot.

The girl who loves Reggae is also 20 times more likely to say she prefers to hang out with guys because they’re less drama. Chances are that she has more male friends than female friends. You will get very uncomfortable when dating her because every person in her contact list is a guy. When she meets men, she greats them by knocking fists instead of hugging or normal handshakes. Don’t be surprised if she is more fluent in Sheng than Mbusii.

Such a girl is also very unruly and doesn’t say sorry if she pisses you off. Managing her is a lot of work. If you are a not a tough guy, save yourself the Panadol budget. Look for a chilled out girl.

Music from her tribe.

You guessed it right. If she is obsessed with music from her tribe, she is most probably tribal. When you try to seduce her, she will be quick to tell you things like “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but wewe ni mkabila gani?” Or “Ushago kwenu ni wapi?” She does this so that she can know if you come from a tribe that she hates. She holds dear all the stereotypes about men from certain tribes. Are you a humble Luo guy? Don’t even try to convince her that you are because she believes all Luo men are aggresive and proud. Are you a calm Kisii guy? There’s no way she’ll believe it because she believes all Kisii men are full of temper.

Rhumba/Lingala

She enjoys the company of older men. Where else could her love for Rumba come from? Her dad? Hell no. Your mum has stayed with your dad for decades but she doesn’t love Rumba like him does she? So don’t believe a girl when she tells you she likes Rumba because of her dad.

This type of lady also drinks a lot and has a high possibility of getting pregnant earlier than she should have. That being said, you are unlikely to find her in a club/lounge. You will find her in a good old-fashioned bar that has no young people in it.

Tanzanian music

She likes to think she is very romantic but her relationships never last. She also knows how to sing along to songs very well. She can give you a private karaoke of Diamond’s Kwangwaru from start to finish without messing up any line. If only she could cram concepts when she was in school the way she crams lyrics, she’d be a manager somewhere and not a salonist (any salonist who takes offence and wishes to discuss this further should feel free to reach out).

Gospel

She likes to think that she’s holier than thou but she’ll still cheat on her boyfriend with the choirmaster. As usual, she’ll keep on asking God for forgiveness. She also likes to hate on succesful people by saying “yote ni vanity” and worldly possessions don’t matter. Even with all her misdemeanors, she strongly believes she’ll go to heaven.  Don’t waste your time trying to get with her if you are not a church person.

Nigerian music

She can be fun, but sometimes a little too much. Tread carefully. She is not quite sure what it is she likes about Nigerian music but she loves it. Maybe she just loves hearing good beats or seeing Davido’s round head. She wants to live like the free spirit she thinks she is but ends up getting played by a lot of men. This is because she is attracted to cool-looking guys whose appearance is something close to that of her favorite Nigerian artistes. It’s quite obvious that such flashy guys are experts at breaking hearts.

R&B

I hate to be the bearer of bad news if you were hoping to get a woman who really understands how to love. On the surface, this girl seems like a good time, but deep, deep down she is just a walking ball of insecurity ready to burst.

An R&B lover is over-romantic. She’ll call you twenty times in a day and get really mad if you don’t pick up.

By involving yourself with her, you’re setting yourself up to get a lot of belligerent texts every day. Sometimes, they’ll be coherent and just “I miss you.” But sometimes they’ll be “why don’T u everr want me toooo see youre FrieNds?” and good luck getting away from that one. You’re going to fight with her. Not just a regular fight. No, she is going to cry, and you are going to feel really bad even though you don’t know what you did.

But away from her relationship obsessions, she is intelligent and she enjoys having an expert knowledge on obscure topics. She is regarded by friends as a human thesaurus.

Hip Hop/rap

She is real and tells it like it is. She has a very advanced understanding of music, but never feels the need to brag about it. Hip Hop loving chicks are also quite mysterious, intellectual, and have a way of capturing your attention,

However, such a girl is immune to feelings. If you dump her, she’ll not care. If you mess up, she wont even try to work things out with you. She’ll bump to some Migos joints and move on with life like nothing happened.

Rock

She likes to think that she’s very intelligent but cannot even read five pages of a book. Nevertheless, this chick has listened to countless rock songs that she’ll keep replaying and boring the nerves out of you with. The fact that she knows a band called ’30 Seconds To Mars’ and you don’t makes her feel really superior. Your vibes will fall flat, but you may not know it until several weeks later because she’s been keeping you around for her own amusement. She also has profound tattoos that were most likely drawn by an amateur tattoo artist

Local music

She dreams of sleeping with Nyashinski, Bien or Khaligraph Jones. She is the life of the party and constantly asks for the music to be turned louder wherever she is.

The local music lover will talk to anybody, from the security guard to the bartender to the caretaker, and she will fall into each of their good graces within a short time. She feels comfortable with everyone and this might bother you very much.

Soul/Classic music

She enjoys moshene. Chicks that are soul/classic lovers are most likely to spill a few secrets—their own or others. There’s nothing they enjoy more than listening to stories about other people’s lives and telling the same stories to other people. Whether or not they’ll admit it, they live for a bit of gossip. This is because (unless they are older) they acquired their love for soul and classical music from Maina Kageni’s show. And we all know that Maina Kageni is synonymous with hardcore gossip.

EDM…Afrowhatever…Pop…Jazz…bla bla

She is a proper slay queen. She can take an Uber from Hilton to Afya Center. She is also allergic to Kiswahili and broke dudes.

 

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If her music choices are a mix of the above, she’s probably really normal.

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