Sex Tips

Anal Sex? No Thanks!!

I happened to angukia a muindi chick recently. She had an alluring creamy complexion and her legs were replicas of Eve D’Souza’s. Her features looked as if they had been chiseled out of granite by some sculptor who had been intent on portraying the highest form of female pulchritude.

When she arrived at my place, I couldn’t wait to insert my Luhya manhood inside her Asian punani. The problem was that she didn’t want my Luhya manhood inside into her Asian punani.

She stripped naked, turned around, and looking inquisitively over her shoulder, she ordered in the most aggressive and accented voice: “Tomba mimi matako!!!

Holy Mahatma Gandhi!! She claimed that normal sex is never sweet for her. She preferred ferocious butt invasion.

Obviously, this was a substantial departure from my standard intercourse protocol. As I’ve mentioned before, I am never a fan of anal sex. I have never had a fascination with the rectum as a portal to satisfaction. To me, It always feels like a Land Crusier trying to wiggle it’s way through Kiambu mud. Yes it’ll manage but it won’t be a smooth or enjoyable ride compared to tarmac. It’s a struggle. But since I was dealing with a hot Indian chick (and a man doesn’t get a hot Indian chick everyday), I decided to try it anyway.

It didn’t work. I don’t know if my dick was too big or her butthole was too tiny.

She even shouted “foooooorce it in!!” The manner in which she said “fooooorce it in!” reminded me how Jamaican artistes RDX say the same words in this 2010 banger;

I tried to force it in as requested but  she yelled like she was giving birth to triplets. At one point it became too much. I have a great relationship with my neighbours and I didn’t want her high-pitched vocals to disturb their peace yet it was just 2 pm in the afternoon. So I tried to convince her to just let me put it in her vagina and when she made it clear that it wasn’t going to happen, I ended the date.

What a waste!

She left while fuming with anger and told me I’d never get a fine piece of ass like hers ever again. That’s where she was wrong. I am ‘The Sheriff’. I get fine pieces of ass all the time. They might not be Asian but they’re still fine.

I’ll now stick to my “NO ANAL SEX” rule for good.

I’ve noticed that a lot of women are engaging in anal sex nowadays. A good number of chicks I’ve been with suggested I insert in the other hole. I just downplayed it.

It’s possible that even the most innocent young girl you see in the streets has had a platoon of peckers up her bunghole.

I used to think most women who reported having done it meant they’d tried it just once. I was wrong. If you push these women beyond the “have you ever” question, the numbers stay surprisingly high, and they’re getting higher. One day after giving an Eastlando chick an orgasm, I convinced her to tell me how many men had poked their poles in her poop hole and she said five. Goddamn!! By the way, the best time to get a woman to open up about her secrets is the period just after you’ve given her mindblowing coitus and she is still breathing hard like a Kalenjin athlete who has just crossed the finish line and won a golt metal (gold medal). She’ll tell you anything.

It is also a proven fact that once girls get their poop-hole breached by Sir Penis, they get addicted to anal sex. An experiment ends up becoming a habit. I’m convinced there is a physiological connection between the anus/rectum area and the orgasmic zones of the punani that accounts for the thrills women receive from ass love. There is also the dominance aspect of anal sex that is undoubtedly highly arousing to women; after all, what position is more degrading than bent over taking it up the poop chute? Degrading = tingles? No. Degrading = seismic snatch waves.

Chicks dig the submissive posture. The pleasure of submitting, exemplified most conspicuously by presenting for rough anal intrusion, induces streaks of highs in women. It’s all good but not for me. Personally, I’d rather just do doggy style with vaginal sex than anal.

There is also a possibility that anal sex’s rising popularity is partly influenced by the excessive advertising of the female ass, in today’s world. Ass is worshiped, hence people want to relish in it’s delights as much as possible

Like many other fellow guys, I’m an ass man, but not an anus man. Flash back to 30 or even 20 years ago. What was usually considered the epitome of female sex appeal at that time?Large titties aka nyonyos.. Today, it’s primarily the female haga, which has always been a important factor in female sex appeal since antiquity, but even more so today.

When it comes to anal, personally I’d say to each man his own. I wont telly you what type of lungula you should enjoy with a lady you worked hard to convince to go to bed with you—whether it may be vaginal, oral or anal. But i’d tell you this. If you meet a girl and she seems to enjoy anal more than vaginal, you can bang her if you have the expertise to “foooooorce it in” but don’t date her.

Some guys choose to commit to a chick solely because of her expertise at anal.  Because they had never encountered a female whose anus could swallow a dick like that, they end up falling in love. True, she might be a great fuck, but if a man is shameless enough to desperately wife up or date a woman whose asshole has been used as a sperm receptacle by Kevo, Collo, and Erico prior to him, who could help him?

If a chick is ready and eager for anal during the first or second time you’re doing her, do keep in mind that many ndumes have parted her buttocks before you. Don’t gloat about her and what her ass can do for you in bed. It’s a honey trap. You will get a sting.

Engage in anal delectation with a woman if that’s your sort of thing but don’t wife up an ass which had been opened up by (many) men before. If you are the one who introduced her to it, well and good. If she already had info about how this stuff works, do your deed then deport yourself.

ASS-anteni sana!!

 

 

 

About Philip Etemesi

I am the sheriff in this town. Writing is my joie de vivre. I am a superman thanks to God. Find me on Whatsapp via 0771048899
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