Sex Tips

Thou Shall Not Consume P2 Like Njugu

Why do some ladies consume P2 too frequently? Do they think it’s njugu? Or popcorn? Or chipo mwitu? While bearing the resentment of having their pleasure circumscribed by latex, more and more Kenyans are having unprotected sex. And ladies are using P2 with the same dedication that they accord to makeup.

Fascinatingly, the decision to have raw dog bareback sex is usually arrived at very easily, even between a dude and a chick who don’t know each other that well.

“Na CD sio tamu. Tufanye tu raw,” the man says.

“But mi sitaki kupata ball.” the girl responds.

Utameza P2. Ntakupea doh ya kubuy,” the guy sweetens the deal.

But hata sijui status yako,” the girl objects.

Mi nlipimwa last week. Wewe ulipimwa lini?” the guy lies.

Nlipimwa last month.” the girl lies too.

“Si unacheki sisi wote tuko sawa. Nothing bad will happen.” the guy insists.

“Poa.” the girl affirms

And just like that, the ‘raw’ deal is sealed.

After a few hours (or the next day) the girl will be at a chemist somewhere whispering to the attendant.

Nipatie P2,” she will say with a low voice so that no one else hears

Ati umesema nini?” the chemist attendant will shout.

“P2.” the girl will now be forced to speak up. The older woman next to her who is buying medication for her painful back will look at her with a cold stare that’s loaded with despise. That look that says ‘watoto wa siku hizi wameharibika.‘ The girl will feel embarrassed, but she won’t care. At least she had some dick.

You might argue that raw sex is not always the girl’s decision alone. Both partners are equally responsible. But that’s not true. Despite the fact that it’s men who suggest raw sex most of the time (because CDs can be hectic), the woman is the owner of the punani and she has the right to say no. A woman is the gatekeeper of sex. A gatekeeper’s job is to determine who goes in and out and whether it’s the appropriate time to let those people in and out, Hence a woman has the right to say no to a condomless penis if the guy is not her boyfriend. She has the right to say no if she doesn’t know his status. She has the right to say no if it’s too soon.

Surprisingly, a huge fraction of chicks don’t say no. They just bang random guys nyama kwa nyama and keep rushing to the chemist. YOLO! Then in future when they are having miscarriages and becoming barren, they will say life is unfair.

However, it’s worth noting that not all chicks swallow P2 carelessly. Only the slutty and spoiled ones do,

Guys, if there’s a girl that you are having are having a causal fling with and you are thinking of making her your official chick, you have to check for condom usage insistence.  I am talking about the nijenge nikujenge type of arrangement aka friends with benefits.

If she insisted on using a condom at least during the first three sexual encounters, she isn’t a slut. But if she was ready to do it raw and take P2 on day one or day two, she isn’t a reliable girl. Easy acceptance of raw sex is a red flag that should tip you off abut a girl’s sexual history. She has probably done the same with several other guys.

Dirty sluts who fling themselves at your unsheathed cock without thinking twice have been the pump and dump victims of many-a-man.

A girlfriend material girl is only likely to agree to taking P2 once or twice during your time with her. The other times, she will insist that you cum outside, use CD or that she gets a long-term contraceptive method. She is also likely to insist on seeing your VCT test results first before she allows your bare dick inside her.

I don’t always dive into Pussyific Ocean without wearing diving gear but sometimes I just like to test a girl with a suggestion of raw sex to see whether she is slutty or not.

It’s interesting to recall who among the women blessed to have crossed lifepaths with the masculine juggernaut that is the sheriff insisted I use a condom on the first day together.

Rubbing my chin in deep pontification, savoring every delicious sexual memory, I detect a correlation between decency and condom insistence. The girls who said a CD was a must also showed other numerous qualities that girlfriend material chicks ought to have.

Whenever I suggest raw lungula and the lady says “bring it on,” I sense danger. I shift my preference back to condom use, then I bang her and DELETE her out of my life like Matt Hardy. If she insists on CDs, I bless her with atomic orgasms and  consider hanging out with her a few more times so we can see where things will go.

I mean slutty chicks are fun and probably better in bed but there’s no doubt a girl who has spread for you, your friends, her favorite celebrity, her lecturer and her boss loses some luster in my eyes.

It has come to my attention that some guys out there have no slut radar. They cannot spot a girl who has hoeness flowing through her bloodstream hence they end up dating thots and get cheated on eventually. Women like to hide their slutty pasts from men unless they find you so undesirable or trust you enough to actually tell you their true history but alas it is rare

It’s your duty to judge and test a woman. Naturally you don’t need to let her know you’re judging her as it’s counter effective. I mean you’re still trying to get laid at the end of the day and there’s time later when you can screen her for main chick potential. What you do not do is believe that being non-judgemental makes you more mature. Being non-judgmental makes you vulnerable to heartbreaks. Life isn’t fair and neither should is your judgement as it will save you headache later on down the line.

High P2 consumption = Sluttiness.

Though shall not consume P2 like njugu. Ladies who adhere to that commandment are the best.  It’s the 11th commandment actually. Moses forgot it on Mount Sinai because he was in a hurry.  But the sheriff went and took it.

It’s here now. On the safe vaults of Tukatiane.




Additional note: Good photographer needed. Holla at me on Whatsapp.

About Philip Etemesi

I am the sheriff in this town. Writing is my joie de vivre. I am a superman thanks to God. Need to discuss a thing or two with me? Shoot me an email via
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