Yesterday, I arrived home at around 5:30 pm. It was raining and with no other key item on my to-do-list, I sat down to play FIFA. My day had been boring so far. I needed something exciting to do. What would be better than scoring free kicks with Marcos Alonso and getting red cards with Gary Cahill? Nothing. I am such a nerd….I know. A proud nerd. Call me the pussy-conquering nerd. Normally, I prefer PES (Pro Evolution Soccer) to FIFA because I find the latter’s game-play to be too easy. PES requires tactically mastery and well-calculated through balls but with FIFA you can just pass-pass-pass and score. I beat people 6-0 and 5-0 with FIFA all the time, something I rarely manage to do with PES.
Anyway, both games are marvelous works of electronic art but because I just wanted to feel good, I settled on the easier FIFA for the evening. As I was busy using Hazard to dribble past Man United’s defence, I got a call from my new neighbor Mwas. He moved in to a house a few compounds away from mine around three weeks ago.
Mwas is a proper cool kid. Like Anita Nderu, he even struggles to speak Swahili. I keep wondering how a boujee fella like him got the name Mwas in the first place. He should be having a name like Shaq or Clay. He is a professional photographer who captures unique photos of women. He has even traveled to Italy and Slovakia for photography conferences. Lucky guy.
So Mwas calls and says:
“Yo, there is this shorty, my new shorty. She’s come over to see me dawg but I ain’t around. I’ve told her I’ll be there in like twenny minutes but I can only make it by 9pm. Can you host her at your digz till I come? I don want her to leave. Gotta tap that ass tonight.”
I looked at the clock and it was now 6pm. Three hours was a long time to idle around with someone’s girlfriend. Either way, I had to do him the favor since it was raining. I was sure the poor girl was getting soaked outside.
“It’s cool.” I told Mwas.
“Thanks a milli bro. Lemme direct her to your gate.”
I was impressed that Mwas actually had a chick waiting for him. Despite being a swaggy photographer with curly hair, a range of colognes and driving a Mitsubishi Lancer, Mwas was not good with women, not even close. He had asked me for advice like a hundred times already, something which I found quite surprising. Guys like him who have looks and money are supposed to be automatically good with women. I didn’t judge too much though, I just gave him advice each and every time that he needed it.
After two minutes, Mwas called me again to say the girl was waiting outside.
I got out and went to open the gate. A fine lady was standing outside, covering herself with an umbrella.
“Are you Philip?” she asked.
“Yeah!” I responded as I watched.
“I am Njoki. Mwas told me me to come chill at your house till he comes.”
We rushed to my door as drops of rain fell on us. Upon reaching the door, she kicked off her shoes before showing herself in. She pulled out two melon pieces from a paper bag that she was carrying and ate them quickly before asking me to show her the dustbin. Despite the cold weather. Njoki was only wearing a knee-length dress with nothing to keep her from the cold. In the spirit of gentlemanship, I handed her one of my jackets. As she wore it, she stared at the TV screen and suddenly got excited.
“Hiyo ni FIFA, you are playing?” she inquired.
“Let’s play. I can beat you.I love FIFA.” she stamped her interest, grabbed a gaming pad and sat down.
My eyes swept possessively over her. I was now realizing just how hot she was. The legs….God…….the legs.. She had legs extraordinary enough to make a pack of chihuauhaus fight each other just for the possibility of being the first to hump them.
I sat down on the armrest of the same couch she was on, a position which gave me a bird’s eye view of her cleavage Whenever I looked down, there they were – the ripe globes of her breasts. My jacket was a bit too small for her so she had left it unzipped and the mammaries had really protruded outwards. Forget the the pieces of melon, she came with, there were real live melons on her chest. Her nipples stood out like two brand spanking new pencil erasers. They made a statement against the twin-fabric of her dress and bra. Those nipples beckoned me, like elevator buttons. Maybe if I pressed one, I would have permission to go down….
She chose Juventus and I chose PSG. I was determined to beat her but the moment we began playing, my mind drifted drifted away – far away from the game and into a world of desire and fantasy. My thought process sank into a territory of ‘WHAT IFs.’
What if I no longer cared that she was dating my neighbor?. What if those soft hands holding the gaming pads held the two bulbs in my boxers instead. What if my hands would land on those thighs that were spread out to their utmost extention, and discovered between them the mark of the sex, the red-centered cleft of flesh with soft labia vermillioning inwards? What if she sucked and petted my cucumber, causing my sensations grew exquisite. My cucumber began to stand. I looked down and wondered, what if it made a bridge from my body to hers, connecting us..
I was thrust back my senses when Njoki began yelling joyfully and poking me. Looking at the screen, she was leading 3-0. Gonzalo Higuain was running to the corner flag in celebration. It was a screamer from outside the box. 3-0? How did this happen? No one had ever put more than two goals past my team in FIFA. Like a rogue house ,my mind had broken free from the stable and drifted into wild pastures. Njoki’s twin mounds of destruction together with their leg accomplices had robbed me off my focus.
I wondered if I should make a move, given that she was in a good mood. I wondered if I should tell her how much I was attracted to her. I pondered over that for over then minutes before finally arriving at a decision. Sometimes in life, you have to put dignity before dick-nity. She was my friend’s pal and there was no way I was gonna hit on her. Fuck the temptation
I wasn’t just going to let her go though. My principle has always been this; If you can’t get something from a girl, at least, make her help you get it. I began my favor-extraction method.
“You have a very nice body you know that right?”
“Well…kinda. Thank you.” she responded with a smile.
“Are your sisters or BFFs as hot as you? If they are, I would like one of them.”
“Yea….niko serious by the way.”
“Why not want me, myself? If you like how I look.”
“Uuuhm…” I hesitated. “Si unadate my friend Mwas.”
“Really? No! I just came for a photo shoot at his house since I need to use the pictures kesho somewhere. Mwas is gay.”
“Mwas is gay? Are you sure?”
“Yes…Mwas is gay. He doesn’t like women. I thought you knew. I actually grew up with him so I’ve know for a long time.”
So Mwas was gay. He just lied that Njoki was his girlfriend so that he would look cool and straight. Damn. A lot of things made sense now. Some still didn’t..
I was regretting not making my move on Njoki earlier. I wondered what to do next. Should I ask her to come back after she was done with her photo shoot late in the night? Such a move would look desperate. It had the potential to backfire too. Njoki and I had developed great chemistry so far. In order to play safe, I just went with the number option.
“Interesting!! I didn’t know he was gay. Anyway, give me your number then we can hang out soon. I’ll give you a date…..and spoil you”
She gladly took my phone and keyed in her number.
“There you go. But no sex on the first date…sawa?” she insisted, her words punctuated with another smile.
“Sawa!” I answered, knowing very well that I would not follow that directive. I would not rest until I had her naked on my bed.
You can’t get a better green light than that as a man. When a girl warns you about sex several days before a date, she actually wants it. Girls who don’t want sex never even talk about it. They never bring up the topic and they are always hostile if you bring up the topic too. I knew I was gonna shag her.
After that, I escorted her to the gate before waving good bye. My mind was still in disbelief on discovering that my neighbour was gay. But at least there was new punani on the horizon. I would have loved to shag Njoki before she left but logically, there was no way that was going to work. Sometimes you have to let the bird go so it can come back fatter before you can eat it. I now looked forward to inviting Njoki back soon and banging her……..HARD