Etemesi’s Tales | How A Whatsapp Group Helped Me Get Laid


EXPLICIT CONTENT: Do Not read if You Are Holier Than Thou

It’s last Sato morning. I wake up at around 10 pm after partying hard with my colleagues. I look to the left side of my bed and see the girl I chips fungad. She’s still asleep. I gaze upon her perfect naked form, her skin glistening with sensual sweat. My eyes are drawn to the gentle river that slowly caresses its way down her neck, reaching to just below her shoulder blades. If the gods are real, I tell myself then this woman is their masterpiece.

The funny thing is that I didn’t have sex with her. She gave the obvious excuse – ananyesha. So I negotiated for a blowjob like I always do whenever a woman pulls the ‘red sea’ card. She gave me one – a lazy one. My friend Mose once told me that he has no problem banging girls who are on their periods. That’s right. He has no problem crossing the ‘Red Sea.’ Maybe that’s why his parents named him Moses in the first place. But not me, So I wake up while still horny. Horny because she’s hot as Mercury’s soil but there’s nothing I can do about it, Hatuezi ishi ivi.

Seconds later the girl wakes up. Her makeup is all gone. She now looks strange. I am thinking I need to call the ghost busters.

“Hey handsome….you want another blowjob?”, she asks

“Thanks but I’m good.” I respond. I am not interested in more of those lazy fellatios

“Okay…Phil. I’ll need to get going, I have plans with my girls today. I hope to see you again soon. I think you and I can build something special” she whispers as she wakes up. I nod in agreement but in my mind I am sure she’s not the kind of girl I would love to date.

She rushes to the bathroom to take a shower before dressing and applying make-up on her face. Now she looks great again. I offer her breakfast but she declines. Being a gentleman, I take her to the stage where some of the makangas who know me give me a thumbs up for slaying another one. If only they knew.

I get back to my house and check my phone to find I have been added to a strange Whatsapp group. The name is Alliance Boys and Kenya High Alumni class 2015 or something like that. It’s definitely a high school leavers group for two schools so I immediately consider ‘lefting’. I must have been added by mistake. I was never in any of those schools and it’s been close to two Obama terms since I cleared high school

But then one of the girls in the groups posts

“I am heading to tao in a few. Who is around anibuyie pixxa?”

I have never understood why some people use ‘X’ in place of ‘S’ or ‘Z’.

Of course most ‘fresh from high school’ guys have no chums to throw around on Pizza so I seize the moment. I add the girl to my contacts then check out her profile pic. She’s in a bikini and she has the thighs and breasts of an Atlanta stripper. My appetite is turned on to maximum. I change my own profile pic to one where I am wearing a suit then i rush back to the group.


“Mi niko tao” i declare.

She doesn’t respond in the group. She Whatsapps me in person instead.

“Hey..uko tao which side? Si we meet hapo Pizza Inn ya Moi Avenue. I am coming from Muthaiga. Will be in tao in a few…..I am Viola by the way”

“Oh…I am Philip. Niko hapa I&M building. I am trying to sign a contract with some media guys. But we are almost done. Ukifika unishow.” I lie.

Geared up, i take a quick shower, then proceed to throw some smart casual attire on my body before rushing to town.

Viola calls me before I alight from the mat. She’s already outside Pizza Inn. I convince her to wait for me a little longer, which she does gladly. I am just hoping she won’t question my age and suspect that I am not a recent high school leaver. I trust my boyish looks to deceive her.

I arrive at Pizza Inn and spot her standing outside. When her eyes meet mine, she smiles. So beautiful it’s like the stars themselves decided to rest behind the soft cushion of her lips.

I hug her and walk in with her. The Nairobi winds billow around her pink flowery skirt as she waltz on with effortless saunter. The clicking of her heels adds rhythm to the soft classical music that’s playing quite loudly on her earphones. She pulls them out of her ear lobes slowly so as to listen to me.

We grab some Pepperoni before finding a place to sit. The place isn’t as crowded as it usually is. Quite the perfect ambience for seduction.

Viola is as good as they come –young, fresh and ever smiling. Something radiates from within her that renders her irresistible. I hit on her, sentence after sentence. I keep throwing everything I have ever learned about seduction at her. Today Etemesi has to succeed. Etemesi has to bang this girl.

We finally hit common ground when she says she loves playing chess. I’ve been doing it for years. I try and convince her to go with me to my place for a quick game. She declines politely at first, but I persist and she finally agrees. My heart takes a leap of joy, like a fella that has just manage to withdraw all his money from Chase Bank.

After clearing the Pizza, we head to my place.


“How about we play strip chess?” I ask Viola cheekily upon arrival.

“What’s that?” She isn’t shocked. She just smiles

“It’s when…..”

She interrupts me before I finish explaining. She knows what ‘Strip Chess’ is. She is just playing with me. The person who losses the game has to take all their clothes off. Viola is up for it.

Minutes later, I lose.

Viola celebrates wildly like she’s an Atletico Madrid player after dumping Barcelona out of the Champions League. “Yes….toa nguo Philip…toa”

She rushes to my loo to take a piss as she continues celebrating. When she comes back she finds me naked. She is now a little shocked. She thought I would put up some resistance maybe. Perhaps she thought the strip game was only a joke. But here I am. The Dark Knight has risen already.

Viola’s eyes begin to widen, her vision fuzzy as waves of pulsing lust sweep over her again and again as she stares at my naked form. She goes and sits on one of the couches, waiting for me to make a move. But I don’t want us to do this In the sitting room. The previous weekend, some Atieno chic had just squirted all over my expensive seat.

I jerk Viola from the couch into my arms, her breasts collide with my chest, her thighs clenching around my hips. My lips cover hers without invitation, my tongue sweeping into her mouth. Her arms go around my shoulders, her hands spearing into my hair.

I carry her through the house, my lips hard on hers, grinding her lips against her teeth, my tongue a dominating force as it tangles with hers, licks at it, strokes her lips. My erection is hot, uncovered, pressing against the fragile barrier of skirt and panties as i stride through the corridors on my way to the bedroom. It is driving her crazy. I can feel she wants my ‘D’ inside her, now.


Viola arches against me, her hands still pulling at my hair as i drag my lips from hers, stroke them down her neck as i take her into the dark bedroom. My teeth nip at her. My tongue rasps over her skin, the faint roughness making her press herself tighter against me and grind harder against my manhood.

I toss her on the bed only for her to come to her knees. She faces me, breathing hard, heavy She whips her top over her head, only to remain with her skirt, bra and flat shoes.

Watching me, she licks her lips as her hands smooth over her stomach, moving up, then cupping her own breasts in her palms, groaning at the sensation, at the startled wildness in my expression. I want her, I crave her as desperately as she craves me

Viola’s hands move to her skirt, pushing beneath the waistband, stripping it and her panties off quickly. She tosses them to the floor, her eyes never leaving my face. She wants to take me instead of leaving the control of our passion to me alone.


How wild are you Philip?” she asks me. I am amazed at the low, husky sound of her voice. I never thought of her as the naughty type.

One of her fingers run in a slow, teasing stroke from between her breasts, over her stomach, then between her thighs. My eyes flare, my face flushes as her fingers dip into the heat and dampness of her punani..

I still haven’t answered her. I have no idea what to say.

Viola smiles teasingly as she brings her fingers to her mouth, tasting herself as a hard growl slips from my chest in reaction.

I am still standing at the edge of the bed. She moves closer to me before extending her fingers to my lips. They part, the heat of my mouth sucking the taste of her body from them. My fists clench as i watch her. She arches her neck, allowing her hair to cascade down her back, her swollen breasts to tempt me as she brings her hands to them, takes off her bra and lets her fingers rake over the nipples.

She goes on all fours, staring up at me, her shoes till on, her mouth now level with the straining length of my erection. Her tongue strokes the bulbous head of my manhood

A strange hiss erupts from my throat. Viola smiles in satisfaction, her lips parting, one hand gripping the base of my wide cock, her mouth easing over the head, her lips raking the hot flesh as she swipes over it with hot little licks. Her lips close on me and she begins a deep suckling motion that milks at my ‘D’, her tongue swiping over it with passion. Evidently she is doing something right. Better than the girl I had chipoed

My hands tighten in her hair, my hips thrusting against her mouth jerkily. Her tongue probes beneath the head, feeling a curious pulse, a hard, harsh throb at the bottom of the head, beneath the smooth, sensitive skin. My tool vibrates, pulses harder.

“Damn, Viola,” i cry out her name, half growl, half beseeching groan.

Her cute fingers grip the base of my manhood, the other cups my tight scrotum, her grip massaging, caressing as she begins to move her mouth up and down the bursting flesh, caressing with lips and tongue, glorying in my strangled growls

I think of cutting the Bj short in order to shag her now, because if she continues like this, I’m gonna do a Baghdad bomb in her mouth. But then Viola pauses to speak,

“Unaeza cum tu usijali. Simind. ….then we can have sex later. No hurry. E have all day”

My fingers get tight in her hair, pulling at it, rubbing the silken strands over my abdomen as i shag her mouth. It is exquisite, the moist heat caressing he head. I can feel it throbbing now, fighting to override my control, eroding my need to worship, demanding that i dominate. That I shag her mouth hard, as I would her cunt, hold her to me, shoot my semen into her mouth in the most intimate of orgasm.

I have never done that. Never allowed a chick to suck me to climax before we had sex. But i wanted Viola to do it. And she wanted to do it too.

To read Part 2, click HERE…



About Philip Etemesi

I am the sheriff in this town. Writing is my joie de vivre. I am a superman thanks to God. Need to discuss a thing or two with me? Shoot me an email via
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