Why Luhya Women Make The Best Girlfriends

While I don’t discriminate against any particular tribe, I still like to go back to my roots and date Luhya women every now and then.

One-night stands are a blast, but the real fun begins when you get yourself a nice Luhya girlfriend for a mini-relationship.  I’ve had my share of those and can tell you that the dynamics are exactly the opposite to what you’ll find in feminist counties where women have been brainwashed into thinking they’re the same as men.

Things finally return to normality, a dark and long-forgotten place where men are men, women are women.

What A Luhya Girlfriend Does For You……

1. Cooking

She begins cooking as soon as she comes to your place.  Dishes range from basic (ugali, nyama) to the complex.  We all know about certain groups of women who can’t cook ugali without it turning it into uji.

While a Luhya woman is cooking you can make yourself useful by sitting in the living room mindlessly browsing the Internet, watching TV or chatting with other women….hahaa.  She’s the queen of the kitchen, and she doesn’t like it when you interfere. 

2. Washing clothes

With a luhya chic, your laundry is done every week like clockwork.  She doesn’t even need Omo to make your white Real Madrid jersey clean. Once it’s done, the clothes are duly hanged to dry and then neatly folded and put back in your bedroom.  While she’s bending over hanging the clothes to dry or folding them afterwards, you’ll be treated to a spectacular view of her huge bʊttocks and fine legs

3. Cleaning

The house is duly cleaned whenever she’s around week.  She’ll wipe away all the dust and make sure everything is in its place.


4. Séx On Demand

With a luhya chic, you get séx anytime you want with no exceptions.  She’s tired after work – she still lets you shag her.  She has a headache – she still lets you shag her.  She is on her périod – she still let’s you shag her.  Her punani is sore – she still lets you shag her. Basically, you are served until you are full

5. Loyalty

Luhya women greatly value relationships over one-night stands with random guys.  As long as she’s in a committed (at least from her point of view) relationship all other guys are out of the picture.  When the relationship starts to deteriorate that’s when she’ll start considering other guys, including her male “friends” who have been texting her from time to time to “check in” and liking her silly posts on Facebook.

6. Mazigwembe

A Luhya woman is blessed in all the right places. If it’s a$$, she has a big one, if it’s legs, she has sexy mazigwembe and if it’s nyonyos, she has those too. No part of her body is flat like a table. What else can a man want?

What You Need To Do to keep Her

1. Be A Man

You’ll be tasked with fixing things and solving problems. Luhya women don’t like soft men. You’ll also have to provide emotional support if she’s tired or had a bad day.  If you need further clarification about this whole “be a man” concept, read my other articles.

2. Lungula

The harder the better. If, while her poosy is being demolished, her eyes roll to the back of her head, then know you doing it right. A Luhya chic wants her ‘P to be ploughed like a tractor ona farm.  Mediocre séx is not acceptable.  You should also give her a good pounding if she’s moody and bugging you.  Things quickly return to normal and everyone is happy.  The health of the relationship is a complex function of quantity of séx multiplied by quality of séx of squared.  You understand the math right? Give her earth-shattering orga5ms and she’ll be your slave for life.

So unless you’ve had a Luhya girlfriend, you simply haven’t lived.  Her job is to make sure her man is well fed, well rested, and always has a warm sweet hole to empty his spérm reserves.  And these skills she learned from the school of life, a mystical place where reality based on biology always prevails.


About Philip Etemesi

I am the sheriff in this town. Writing is my joie de vivre. I am a superman thanks to God. Need to discuss a thing or two with me? Shoot me an email via
1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. Stupid post

    at 9:29 am

    This is stupid 😂😂😂…and am a lughya…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

To Top