They say if a girl wont get on her knees and suck your cock whenever you demand it, she isn’t fond of you. A blowjob from a normal non-slutty chick is a great act of submission and a greater signal of soul-surrender than even sexual intercourse itself. Don’t ever believe a woman who claims she dislikes or is ideologically opposed to putting a man’s cock in her mouth. It’s you she dislikes. All women can suck dick. If she’s not sucking your cock, she hasn’t submitted. If she hasn’t submitted, she’s not in your reality. She’s a flight risk.
Anyway, this post is meant to create awareness among fellow men. I’m sure chicks will read it too out of curiosity. As a man it’s important to know the different types of blowjobs that you could possibly experience with a Kenyan woman depending on the type of lady she is and her level of expertise. So here are the 10 different types.
But first……
How to rate a blowjob
The important parameters to use while rating a cock-sucking experience are the sweetness levels, female expertise, time duration, comfort (difficulty level), and ‘cum’ intensity’. So let’s get to it.
1. The Virgịn’s or Inexperienced Girl’s BJ.
Description of blowjob: The woman in question doesn’t seem to know what she’s doing. She’s as clueless as a drunk campus kid doing a Macroeconomics exam. She’s like a a mzungu on the dance floor. She’s handling your dick the way a cat handles a strange object that looks like a mouse. It probably took a month or more for you to convince her to do it after she told you things like “Ewwww….Aki I think blowjobs are gross.”
Time Duration: It takes forever because she doesn’t know how to make you cum sooner, You might find yourself sleeping.
Pleasure: Non-existent until until when you cum.
Comfort: As terrible as sitting on a ‘mbao’ in an overcrowded matatu. (she will probably scratch you with her teeth too)
‘Cum’ intensity: Depends on how hot she is.
Female expertise: Very poor like she’s an Egyptian laborer being forced to build a pyramid by Pharaoh. When you look at her, you can figure out what’s on her mind. Which is “I can’t wait to finish this and get out of here.”
2. The Zinjanthropus BJ.
Description of blowjob: Essentially a super quick, rough blowjob like she’s a caveman/early man or WWE wrestler. Most loose girls master it to practice in risky public environments like a washroom or a sponsor’s Range Rover. It involves Bolt-quick sucking with vigorous bobbing of her head, and plenty of digital stimulation of your genịtals. This blowjob usually ends in a few minutes since the primary focus is more on making you cum quickly and less on quality, sensual tactile pleasure.
Time Duration: Between 45 seconds to 5 minutes at the maximum
Pleasure: Sio mbaya sana.
Comfort: Not too good.
‘Cum’ intensity: Like boiled unmonitored milk coming up a sufuria
Female expertise: Poor…but sexy.
3. The ‘Kawaida’ BJ.
Description of blowjob: It’s mostly done in comfortable surroundings among couples that are in love or married.
Time Duration: More than 5 minutes.
Pleasure: Iko tu hapo katikati. A bad blowjob is however quite common in this type, especially from unenthusiastic women in committed, secure relationships who don’t have to prove a point
Comfort: Average
‘Cum’ intensity: Depends on feelings
Female expertise: Average
4. The ‘Hungry Girl’ BJ.
Description: Here, the girl sucks you with so much passion like she didn’t eat lunch. Or she just takes your whole 7 or 8 inches into your mouth without choking and you can’t help but wonder how she did it. At times you become afraid that she might start munching your dick like food but then you get to enjoy it nevertheless.
Time Duration: More than 10 minutes
Pleasure: Good to Excellent
Comfort: Life threatening but fun.
‘Cum’ intensity: Like Coca Cola or champagne from a bottle that has just been shaken then opened
Female expertise: Worthy of a standing ovation (since a lady who agrees to do this definitely knows how to please a man in bed)
5. The ‘Makelele’ BJ
Description of blowjob: Involves exaggerated moans and animated vocal sounds of her gurgling and choking on your D. WARNING: This one becomes irritating when repeated frequently. It’s only special if done once in a while.
Time Duration: More than 5 minutes
Pleasure: Variable
Comfort: Don’t attempt this without complete privacy
‘Cum’ intensity . Enough to shut her up.
Female expertise: Awesome
6. The Messy BJ.
Description: This involves you ‘cumming’ everywhere (on her face, boobs or the surroundings). It’s referred to as messy because it usually creates a mess at the end of it. Perfect for naughty people. All types of blowjobs can all end up as a messy blowjob depending on how submissive the girl is,
Time Duration: Depends
Pleasure: Awesome.
Comfort: Depends
‘Cum’ intensity: Strong enough to create a mess
Female expertise: Good.
7. The Handicapped BJ
Description of blowjob: Involves use of her mouth and tongue only, with no hands involved at all. Works best when she salivates profusely during the act. Stop before she passes out due to exhaustion, else you’ll have agonizing difficulty extracting yourself out of her unconscious mouth.
Time Duration: More than 10 minutes
Pleasure: Good to very good
Comfort: Good
‘Cum’ intensity: Good to very good
Female expertise: Exceptional.
8. The Acrobatic BJ.
Description of blowjob: Works best with naughty lightweight, skinny or petite chicks also refereed to as laptops, tablets or 1 GB. What you do is hold her upside down while thrusting in her mouth. Lower your D in her mouth and teasingly rub your nut sack on her nose for added tactile pleasure.
Time Duration: More than 10 minutes
Pleasure: Average to Very Good depending on how aggressive she is.
Comfort: Difficult while standing and can result in a debilitating back problem when attempted with the wrong (momo) woman.
‘Cum’ intensity: Powerful especially if you’re squatting on her face
Female expertise: Exceptional, to particularly handle involuntary farts
9. The Python BJ.
Don’t get scared. This isn’t the movie ‘Snakes on a plane’.
Description of blowjob: Involves her slowly swallowing your D inch by inch—very much like a python swallowing its prey—and vigorously massaging your D with her tongue while you’re inside her profusely salivating mouth. When she slowly swallows your D completely to reach its base, she then explores below by flickering her warm wet tongue on your nut sack, like a snake.
Time Duration: More than 10 minutes
Pleasure: EXTRAORDINARY
Comfort: Good to excellent
‘Cum’ intensity: TIBIM!!!
Female expertise: EXTRAORDINARY
10. The ‘Pornstar’ BJ.
Description of blowjob: The mother of all blowjobs. You end up feeling like you were sucked by Nicki Minaj and Victoria Kimani combined. Done by girls who understand the art of pleasing a man in bed, it is basically a combination of three or more or all the above blowjobs, giving your girl full porn star skills. Let’s call this one ‘mama yao.’
Durationof blowjpob: More than 15 minutes (you never want it to end)
Pleasure: EXCELLENT
Comfort: Very comfortable but intense.
‘Cum’ intensity: Like a Nairobi tap when water comes back.
Female expertise: PHD
